Essential Election Night Cocktails (Because You’ll Definitely Need to Get Drunk)

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Donald Trump Cocktail

Let’s face it: The 2016 Presidential Election has been absolute chaos, especially lately. We don’t think we’ve ever consumed so much alcohol in the span of just a few weeks as we have in the the last month and a half.

Thankfully, it’s almost over. But before it can be through, we have to survive Election Night, aka the ultimate test of our livers. You see, it’s our American duty to get drunk on November 8. After all, it’s part our history. Booze and voting have gone hand-in-hand since 1758, when a young candidate for the House of Burgess decided to spend all of his campaign money on liquor to buy votes. Do you know who that candidate was? You may or may not recognize him as the first President of the United States. #TeamAmerica

Needless to say, booze is non-negotiable on Election Night. Of course, playing a Donald Trump drinking game with your favorite beer will suffice, but we think this important night calls for a bit more creativity. So with that, we bring you the essential Election Night cocktails inspired by each of the primary candidates. (Sorry, Gary Johnson. We’re just not sure it’s in the cards for you.) 

The Democrat
While this cocktail was originally inspired by President Truman, it still holds ground today. Made with bourbon, peach liqueur, lemon juice, and honey, it’s just the kind of cooling drink you need when tensions start to get hot. See recipe

The Comb-Over
Tall, golden, and in-your-face, this cocktail screams “The Donald.” Vodka acts as a neutral base for gold-flecked cinnamon schnapps, while orange juice gives that not-so-subtle self-tanner-like appeal. This drink brings it home with the ultimate of garnishes: a perfect, puffy piece of yellow cotton candy. See recipe

The Nasty Woman
Nice women drink Cosmos. Nasty women drink this. This play on the classic goes hard by doubling up on the booze and replacing cranberry juice with viscous raspberry syrup. A few final cracks of fresh pink peppercorn lend some potent, boss-bitch spice. See recipe

The Bad Hombre
Better get to drinking your mezcal now, because if Donald gets his way, you’re likely to never see it the U.S. again. Pair the Mexican spirit (ideally the Ilegal brand, because ha!) with lime juice and agave syrup. This smoky version of a Bloody Mary goes really south of the border by trading traditional tomato juice and spices for strained salsa verde. Ole! See recipe